How To: Make Pancakes Like a Crack Head

Ever wanted to make pancakes like your everyday crack head junkie? Well NOW you can! *WITH PICS*

  1. Gather your junkiesque supplies
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  2. Cut up your pancake mix (Junk).
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  3. Continue….
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  4. Pile up your pancake mix.
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  5. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
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  6. Add 1 bump salt and 1 bump baking powder to crack head mirror.
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  7. Next add your water.
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  8. After the water put a shot of milk.
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  9. The last liquid added is oil. This is optional but if you truly want to make crack head pan cakes, put a double shot.
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  10. Now cut everything together. Mix until liquid.10.jpg
  11. Now for the egg. Take you syringe and poke THROUGH the egg shell. Extract your Egg.
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  12. Add the raw egg (crack head style).
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  13. After mixed add your pancake mix to your crack spoon. Hold spoon open flame.
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  14. Cook both sides! This is raw egg, you don’t want to risk your health.
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  15. Done! Breakfast is served and your crack head pancake is now complete. Enjoy the CrackJack :)
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281 thoughts on “How To: Make Pancakes Like a Crack Head”

  1. Technically these are smack-head pancakes. Crack heads don’t use mirrors or syringes, and while I’ve heard the term crack-spoon I believe it refers to a crude pipe not an actual spoon. However, this is still really funny.

  2. ITS A QUAIL OR PHEASENT EGG. THAT IS HOW THEY COOK CRACK OR COCAINE FOR INJECTION. DOESNT HAVE TO BE SMOKED. THE CRACK HEADS THAT HAVE NO TEETH AND LOOK LIKE SHIT ARE INJECTING IT. HAD ONE COME IN THAT WAS INJECTING USING POND WATER.

  3. So thats why I.V. drug users are so skinny.Do I have to have a Russian credit card, and syringes? Might be just the thing for the new Hollywood scene!

  4. Now this was a great thing. I laughed my ass off with this website. I would guess someone here had some experience in the use of a spoon and a candle for heat? LOL Now you really would of had me rolling if you would of been able to tie in an arm tie for the final effect. No pun intended. (arm tie) LMAO

  5. How sad you sick fucks are that this is humorous to you…hope you or your kids all get to experience life as an addict on the streets. It’ll be a blast. Please, blog all your funny escapades like eating out of garbage cans and sucking dicks for a fix.

    Then *I’ll* laugh.

  6. ^ok. It is humorous, and my kids will definitely not end up addicted to anything (well, maybe caffeine) because they’ll have responsible parents and an IQ that’s above room temperature.

    Awesome job; I like it!

  7. Can’t do that with rocks, dude.

    Reminds me of the smack pancakes I used to make my kids before bedtime, tho. Man.. they used to puke and dribble with smiles all over there smacky little faces. Those were the days.

  8. Slardy Bardfast, love how you rhymed “dicks” with “fix”. Contempory poetry with less than subtle hints of Victoriana. Old school morality in the now. But with that Victorian mentality comes the knowledege that everyone was eating, smoking and feeding their babies opium back then.

    Genius… a summing up of 250 years media and merchandising driven mainstream progress.

    This is bad cos they say it is, and if you do it, this will happen.

    I agree. God was right to make drugs illegal… cos they is bad in the life.

  9. Lets not drag morals, the media, or drug abuse into something so funny and simple as making a little pancake. And Slarty, we’re all so sorry you sucked dick for crack. That doesn’t mean everyone else did. We’re on the internet, remember? A real crackhead would have pawned his computer a long time ago.

  10. It’s great to see that you went from homeless, dick sucker to an upstanding citizen, and that you got your computer out of the pawnshop. Also nice to see you’re spreading the word around, and what an effective place you’ve chosen to do it in. (turns off sarcasm).

  11. Dude, this made me so hungry! First, I had to go suck some dick to score a fix. Then I had to wade through garbage cans to find all the rest of the ingredients. Now I’m following the instructions and making my very own CRACKCAKES!

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  13. I used to do crack… its the worst to be an addict thereof. ANyway, i never sucked cocks or ate outa garbage cans, but some people do, like that bitch on Dr Phil.

    The guy who thought of such a wasteful idea, is only a stupid cockhead with nothin better to do than waste his crack :D

    u shud rather smoke that coke or snort it. nevertheless i suggest all crack addicts do the same as him and fry ur coke up… haha

  14. um, aksn1p3r? That’s flour right there. This was originally posted on a different, better website, with a full and humourous explanation.

  15. This just sucks, this is just plain sick and idiotic. Too sad there are folks out there who seem to think such sick stuff is funny. Go get yourself some brains and a life!

  16. Now you know why I got out of the music business.I didn’t have a job or more important. I didn’t have a business card.

  17. So THAT”S how you make pankakes! I would think that crack wouldent react like flour but… hey who knows…

    Anyway the thing is funny. If you take it seriously it’s sick but otherwise it’s funny.

  18. wtf

    Never woulda dreamed to do THAT to make pancakes.

    Jeezus! WTF is this world coming to?

    And real NEEDLES!?!?!?!?

    Jez

  19. you can shoot coke, but not crack.

    The spoon should have some melted butter on it before you start.

    Who knows how to freebase blueberry syrup?

  20. Ian,what video games are you playing where you kill people? Sure hope your not “impressioned” by those. It’s a comedy bit. Get over it!

  21. If you find this sought of thing funny ………. the only problem is when it comes to children who are born addicted. You cannot hold them, you cannot sooth them. They are born and immediately go into withdrawl. As if being born isn’t hard enough, you end up with a mother who doesn’t give a rats arse about her child, but instead decides to make crack pancakes.

    If you’re making them for you, go right ahead. I hope you lose your teeth. What a life!

  22. It´s kind of funny how this actually provokes someone. Until i read the comments, i did not even know some people use to boil their drugs. I laughed my ass of when i read it, because i pictured someone doing this and being busted by the police… “but officer- its my lunch!” “yeah, suuure…” Also i dont see how anyone can feel sorry for junkies. I still have yet to meet a junkie that disagrees when i blame them and them alone for their own situation.

  23. after seeing this, i went outside and found a car with an open sunroof. i pulled my pants down and sat with my ass hanging into the car through the sunroof. as i sat shitting into the car i began to masturbate my erect cock. the stench of my shit made me gag and i put my finger into my asshole and smelled it. the smell of my shitty finger made me puke into my lap, the puke slowly slid down my thighs into the car. i finished masturbating and shot a load of sperm into the car. when i was done i wrote my name on the windshield of the car with my shit.

  24. I’m high (weed, not crack) right now, and I think the lot of you posting comments are ironically on fuckin’ crack. Maybe alot of you need to go reread this article and understand that the active ingredient is pancake mix, hench why it’s called “How to Make Pancakes Like a Crackhead” and not “How to Use Crack By Cooking It In Pancakes. I missed the part where crack was added. I’m pretty sure it’s just pancakes cooked in the fashion that one would cook up heroin (not crack, that’s usually cooked in a pot using diethyl ether to freebase it), on a spoon. And I dunno who the fuck this guy billy is, but I think he’d make a pretty good case study in Freudian psychology or psychoanalysis.

  25. * I made a mistake: The coke is cooked, not the crack.
    Oh, and diethyl ether boiled with coke forms freebased coke (purest stuff), but afterwords you have to get the freebased product out of the whole precipitate, but if you just let it settle WITH the precipitate, it forms rocks, son.

  26. Years ago, we used to cook up cook like that, didn’t need the syringe, just dropped water off our fingertips into a spoon with a little bit of coke a little bit of baking soda, heat the spoon underneath with lighter, and it formed a nice rock for smoking, we just called it smoking coke, I don’t even think I knew the term “crack” then, it was like 20 yrs ago. It’s been about 17 yrs since I’ve done that, or coke for that matter. Was a nice buzz though, but very addictive. Just throwing in a fun fact of my life :)

  27. Jeu kelam shet kovitom kara meta tu fuiakem.

    It is just entertainment, please relax.

    Kolikem Jui fetah huekalifa nanujui qua fe.

    If you don’t like it, do somewhere else.

    koli fereshua jeu joki fe.

    Nobody is forcing you to stay here.

    Kila gujamena deus fi.

    So, shut your mouth.

    =)

  28. FIEST YOU ARE THE BEST I AM ALWAYS GOING TO MAKE MY CRACK JACKS THIS WAY.. 4 of these evey morning will make my day better..NO MORE CORN FLAKES FOR ME …

    1)NOW YOU CAN COOK CRACK ON A SPOON TO MELT IT DOWN…

    2)ADD YOUR BAKING SODA NOT TOO MUCH OR IT WILL BE CUT TOOOO WEEK…

    3)ADD YOUR WATER..

    4)MIX IT WITH A PENNY…

    5)PUT IT IN THE FREEZER 2 minutes

    6)TIME TO FREEBASE HAVE FUN ROB YOUR FRIEND AND YOUR MON STEAL A CAR ROB A TAXY AND A PIZZA BOY…

    7)WHEN YOU GET BUSTED JUST SAY THE DRUGS MADE ME DO IT…

    8)THATS YOUR GET OUT OF JAIL FREE TICKET…

    9)HAVE FUN!!!!!!! SHARE DON’T BE GREEDY PASS IT…

  29. Firstly I have to say the original email aint that great itself, but the comments had me in tears. Man the emotion people have otha this sorta thing is rediculous, wen did crack pancakes turn into babies being born with addiction? Agreed not the most disirable thing in the world, cant say im waiting in the line. As for you Billy… Poo Ponderer, i am slightly disturbed

  30. Can we now have instructions on how to make wafers like a catholic. Then let’s see what comments are made by those who believe what they’re told by Murdoch and Elizabeth.

  31. I love this recipe. i’ll added to my regular breakfast menu. is fun to make, kills some time, so i feel i’m accomplishing something, plus i like to work with my hands, so it fulfills my ego. thanks for sharing.

  32. The fact that people are getting butt-hurt over this is hilarious.

    I bet someone gets offended by my name, because they are feeble minded fools!

  33. Oh my goodness! That’s an amazing way of making pancakes and the only drawback I can see is that you only make one!
    I’m going to have to link to this one on my site!
    I’m a big fan of pancakes and my friend and I always used to argue about what size pan we’d use – but never did I think of cooking such a small one!

  34. Ok…the point of this is humor folks. Some got it, some don’t.

    Drugs are drugs. Doesn’t matter if it is cocacola or cigarettes or maryjane or some cure for cancer found in the rainforests. Homo sapiens have been doing drugs since they have been Homo sapiens (and probably even before) The only distinction here is that some are legal and some are illegal. What the hell do you do when ya got a head ache or a cold? hmmmm thats what I thought.

    Go to the woods, chop down a tree, mill some lumber, build a bridge and get over it.

    Laugh folks, its the only TRUE free pleasure we have

    1. Despite not using drugs myself, I found this rather amusing. Sick, but amusing none-the-less.
      Though I must say one thing, don’t assume that everybody uses drugs, legal or not. I know plenty of people who don’t use medicine at all. Myself being one of them, I don’t drink, I’ve never smoked, nor do I do drugs, as I’m an adult now, I don’t take OTC medicines anymore either, nor prescription medication, too many side affects. Don’t generalize and lump everyone pops a pill for ever sneeze, cough or sniffle, we’re few but we’re out there. It’s best to keep an open mind and realize there are all kinds of people out there.

        1. all he said was that he doesnt take drugs and not everyone does. youre the douche, and probably a fucking junkie.

          1. Do you know the definition of pretentious? Some people know how to take a joke, some people don’t.

  35. I enjoyed it caus it was original. Jokes about crack and adverts on TV or whatever do not influence you, thats what “they” want you to think!

  36. holy lord- that was incredible- i have a philosophy final tomorrow and this was exactly what i needed to brighten up my life! the comments that followed pretty much had me in tears- the egg by the way is a quails egg tho i hear what was said about not finding quails in the ghetto… to the severely unhinged “billy” i say nothing more than seek help. that kind of cry for attention is typical of one trying to compensate for something. and CD- keep your hands in your lap and your mouth shut- you are seriously harshing my mellow, crackhead babies? jesus

  37. that demo was really funny…but it’s the comments after that push it over the top. I’m electing to see them all as some sort of performance art continuation of the joke, cuz to imagine that people are out there getting so bent out of shape over something so trivial is kinda depressing. C’mon y’all…lighten up! This is obviously a parody, cuz everyone knows you can’t get the lumps outta crackcake batter with a credit card!

  38. Very funny idea! I am always looking for alternative ways of doing everyday things. And this is good comedy at the same time, the russian credit card was the icing on the cake.
    And all you people who got sp worked up over this; relax. it’s just a joke. And shouldn’t addicts much rather make pancakes with their gear than “shoot up”?

  39. After 40 years of drugs the whole route.From ephadrine to dope and speed(purple hearts)remember them?Bombers,dope used to be called ??.Red leb,good morroccan at a quid a gram on the scales.Black that you could play with for hours,Oil that when you painted it on the skins looked like a rembrant pen and wash drawing.Weed for 14 an oz.Remember that?OZ
    it was a crackin comic and politicaly aware.Acid Oz now worth an arm and a leg.Oh and the acid!!!pink microdot,Californian white lightning.Timothy Leary Richard Alpert,Lawrence Fellingety.Summer of Love.hippy chicks with no knickers and it was safe to put your tongue in cos there was no aids.Vietnam and the beatles etc.Wish you were here,Pink Floyd –The trees had hands and faces.Fairies were not queers,beautiful people everywhere.Sundays were for trippin.WOT THE FUCK>
    Sex pistols and smack,sid killednancy.NewRomantics
    that was when the truth went for a walk.Romanticism is for wankers it means telling lies.Hitler was a romantic.Futurism,swastikas,art neuvou. art nervous disease…Thank god for the dada movement.All thats left now is hysteria ,petrol runs out in seven years.So we have to go back to low tech.Hippies rule.Crack heads are on the road to nowhere and Ive always been on a mission.The time is 2007 and its time for acid to clean up this mess again??

  40. Ha, that was fantastic. But you know, some people are not going to wait for it to cook, they just gonna shoot it up raw, lol.
    That is freakin’ great.

  41. I think you meant junkie. Crackheads don’t cook anthing in a spoon, they dont use needles, they buy crack and smoke it. Freebase coke heads don’t cook anything in a spoon, they cook it in a pan.

    Only heroin addicts use a needle and a spoon.

    At least get it down or it isn’t funny.

  42. This just in from the What the Fuck department. hahahaha… And I thought peeing my pants in front of high school girls was funny.

  43. guys, stop it , this is so funny, even my heroine-friends and my grandmother ( who gave me the secret for her pan-cackes has to laugh)
    so what’s new, a man with a genius-humour touches nerves, well , that’s new

  44. let’s try reibekuchen, any off you fought a war against anything?
    most remarks make me sick, egoism, self-centrism rules , right, well humour escapes that shit-hole

  45. For the love of God just drop it?!? And wait,… I’m getting reports of people running naked in the streets screaming: “I’M COOKOO FOR CRACKCAKES!! WOOO!”

  46. This was all just too Muckin’Fuch!
    It blew my mind ~ laughter is the best medicine!
    who needs drugs???
    We get high when we laugh ~ uncontrollably!

  47. For the record. Its pancake mix. Which is pretty much flour. It just taking the mickey out of what crackheads/junkies/whatever do. The fact that he got it slightly wrong (on the “street name of the type of person” thing) should be an indication that its just a joke. I thought it was awesome. Mini li’l pancakes, each one would only take about 30 seconds to make. Make up a big batch and scoff ‘em down one at a time. Like popcorn :D

  48. HAHAHAHAH “Cook both sides! This is raw egg, you don’t want to risk your health.”

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ASS FUCKING IF!!!!!!!

  49. Next time i see a smack head in town im gona get his scrawny lil neck place his mouth over da curb then stamp on his head that makes his bottom jaw smash off then be in bad pain oh yeah and smash ur teeth out if any left daft cunt.

  50. Fucking hilarious. i bet he thinks he’s got a “handle” on his habit as well. Before you know it he’ll be on a bag of flour a day and stealing from old folks homes to buy eggs.

  51. :D how on earth did u Ever Get the IDEA !!!!
    how how… What Were U thinking ?!?!?!?!?!?
    hahahaha… fookin good man. seriously soopa :)

  52. It is amazing how many posts this can get over major news stories… all I gotta say – is where is the bacon and syrup!

    Any of you above that had way too serious comments – this is a joke – have a pancake and relax… of course, crack cakes will just make you more paranoid :-) …. did someone eat my pancakes??? Are the cops outside waiting for a second helping!!! HALP!

  53. this right here is to fucking funny I was just surfin the web…. But now Im going to make me crack-cakes lol… thanks for the laugh!

  54. lol tht was funny omg i was just bout to make pan cakes lol the egg is tht like a bird egg idk lol ttyl

  55. @carlx
    you moron, you complete fucking moron.. crack cant be sniffed you muppet.. coke can be sniffed, in fact the very reason people make crack from cocaine is to make it smokeable, as cocaine isnt smokeable, and crack cocaine is smokeable..

    shit post, pathetic fucking post..

  56. Pingback: Crackhead pancakes
  57. @jessica heck: you know chickens are birds right? and that the eggs you normally use come from chickens and hence come from birds?

  58. Yo! this recipe is fuckin Wack assed ! Im an actual crackhead and that’s NOT how you do it! You got to put chocolate rock chips in that shit and serve it on a scanky one-titted hooker’s Ass!

    For REAL crackhead recipes contact me at 1 800 suck-the-my ballz!

      1. I do drugs, I’m not either, DIllon….ugh learn how to spell your name…
        pshh rich white people like DIllion just don’t get the struggle…

      2. Christ, what a dillon of a bigot! God has never done a fooking thing! Not one thing. The bible was so horribly butchered in the past anyone referring to it is either ignorant, stupid, or hasn’t a bloody shred of knowledge. Which one are you? Don’t claim a white supremest, because most know you would not comprehend what that means.

    1. Do you know cost of crack? That is highly unlikely considering the comment you just made. Crack usually runs around 20$ a small rock or close to 70$ to 80$ a large rock ( I have friends that are crack heads) if they can afford crack, they can certainly afford a 12 to 15 dollar Zippo lighter.

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